Liberty Or Death
by ActressGirl717
Summary: Liberty is a very smart girl, who falls head over heels in love. All too soon that love is taken away. Liberty goes after it the only way she knows how. The class president is a cutter? Wait-shes also on speed! See just how deep Libertys love runs for JT


A/N- I am taking a step back, and trying out a new writing style. Heres to Jiberty!

I never had a fighting chance. My name was one huge lie. Liberty? I am confined, by the one thing I can never beat- death.

I cant take this anymore, I am spiraling out of control. I have lost my mind. I see Him sometimes, when I am walking around town. Going from one case to another.

Sure, I survived high school- hardly. No one knew, but I was taking speed the entire time. How else would I ever get anything done? They were all clueless, deciding to think I was good. I was ok. I was whole. But I wasn't. Not really. I was _**shattered.**_

It was easier to pretend the drugs weren't there. That I naturally survived on two hours of sleep, got all the clubs I was president of taken care of and running smoothly, got all my AP classes homework done, and still had time for fun. It was easier on them to lie to themselves about me. They thought I could handle it- I certainly handled everything else in my life perfectly well. Or so they thought.

Giving away my baby was hard, but I was the queen of survival. I did whatever needed to be done. In all truth? After JT died, I didn't even really care that I ha a baby, and had to give it up. That ws old news. That was a piece of cake.

Now?

I had lost the love of my life. And he didn't even know how I felt.

The best boy I had ever met, who had always in some way been there for me, was gone.

He would never be able to be the one I ran to for help, or when I was scared, or upset.

Now, I was all on my own.

So I threw so many things onto my plate. Honor board. Science decathlon. A million homework assignments from the AP classes I'm in. A job. A million clubs and activities. They kept me from having to think about it.

But there wasn't enough time in the day to do all the things I was in and sleep. So speed became an easy part of my life. I got it from a guy I knew from Spinners group. I had the money from my job after school.

Then it got really bad after the JT memorial garden. I had to walk past it every day. You think I'd get used to it right?

Wrong.

That's when I started cutting.

It was fine for a while. I didn't do it fro the reason everyone always says- it makes me feel better. No- those people were crazy. I did it cuz it _**hurt.**_ I wanted to feel that deep pain, that hurt…because I _**deserved**_ it, but JT had taken my punishment. It was my fault he was dead. I just know it somehow, it is my fault.

I deserved the awful pain.

Also, while everyone else was moving on, forgetting JT, it was my own personal battle to not forget. As it would have been easier to forget, and move on, I couldn't do that to him.

I loved him.

Finally, I was tired of trying to live without him.I was always a "safe" cutter. I knew where not to cut, so I didn't accidentally die. Or cut an artery. I knew which direction was less harmful, I knew which part of my body would heal faster, I knew how deep I could cut and not leave scars.

Because while other cutters _**wanted**_ the attention, _**wanted **_people to find out and help them, pity them, give them attention. I didn't. This was _**my**_ fault, this was _**my **_battle.

_**My**_ pain.

_**My**_ body.

_**My**_ choice on how I lived, and how I died.

And I'd made my decision.

The people I'd ignored for so long, the world I'd hated since he left it, this pointless life, I had made my decision what to do with all of them.

Him, or that?

That's like saying sirloin steak or a crappy hamburger.

JT, I'm coming to you.

I made a plan. I had a special time with each important person in my life, I made all of them something: a scrapbook with pictures f whoever it was and me, and a special note.

Just because I had chosen JT over them, didn't mean I didn't still love them.

I wanted them to know that.

After all that, I had to figure out where to go. I decided on Degrassi, I had always had good times in my life there. Friends, school, and it's where I'd met JT. Fallen in love with JT, and where he'd chosen to love me also. It was where I spent the most time, and I loved the halls. I also had keys, for I was the president of like- 8 clubs, they decided I was trust worthy enough.

I did it in the JT memorial garden, after school hours. I knew the janitor would find me, at around 9 pm.

I had always loved the dark, so I waited until after sunset. It was pitch black by 8, so I took a beautiful lantern with me to the lovely garden, it was only fitting. I could be with him in a way, for my last few moments on earth. He deserved this beautiful garden. I hoped they wouldn't do anything for me, as I am my own fault. I took the lantern and hung it in a tree. I laid the picture of JT and I together next to me, sat on the bench, and took out a brand new razor.

I was always smart. I had never thought I would be the one to fall in love, and fall hard enough to die to be with him. I had never thought I would _**ever**_ be that kind of girl, and yet, now that I was, I was glad I am. Better to have loved and to have lost then to never loved at all.

I am not sad I did this to be with JT, not even the pain that came with the way to get to him. I picked the razor up, held it to my jugular vein, and knew that in 3 minutes, I would be with JT.

The hand holding the razor shook the tiniest bit at the thought of dying. Then the thought of JT filled my mind, and all my nerves faded.

It was a long, confident stroke across my own throuat that caused my death.

_**And I do not regret it.**_

I thought nothing. I just waited.

Death is easy. Death is kind. It didn't hurt as much as I thought it would. It felt exactly like going to sleep.

And in a way, I did.

janitor found me an hour later, as expected. No one had expected my death, many were crushed.

They knew why though, and they understood.

After JT's death I had been stunted, and they had noticed, just as they noticed the speed, and didn't say a word.

They knew that Liberty Van Zandt would never do anything she didn't think through, and think was best.

So they were ok without me, they had practically been living without me for a year.

And I? I am in heaven, literally.

I got there, and JT was there immediately. I ran to him, jumped into his arms, and kissed him like I never have before.

Because I _**learned.**_

You _**never**_ know what day will be your _**last.**_


End file.
